Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Closure: It's all about You

This weekend I got a surprising text in the middle of the night from my former significant other. My two year relationship ended at the beginning of this summer, so to say that this text was a surprise would be an understatement. Really for one of the first times in my life, I was pretty speechless. In being completely honest, I would have done anything for that text message a few months ago but the way I reacted showed me how far I've come. To break it down, he was reaching out and looking for closure, something that I had wanted all summer. Over the summer I had wanted to sit down with him, talk about it together and figure out what the split really meant. In that text he was asking for the same thing, to figure it out together, but what I've come to realize is that closure after a relationship isn't about the both of you anymore. It's not about talking out why it ended and continuing as friends. It's just about you. It's about you, individually finding admiration of the past, acceptance of the ending and ultimately it's about finding yourself and moving towards your own individual future.

It takes some time, it does. It's hard to wholly love yourself again after someone stops loving those little things in you. You no longer have that safety blanket to run to. You have to learn to build that trust and confidence in yourself and you have to learn that you can handle it all on your own.

I loved dating someone long distance for two years of my college career and I will never say otherwise however I am happy that it is not continuing.You know, sometimes we outgrow relationships and it's okay. I'm lucky that he was able to see what I couldn't: our relationship wasn't perfect. I can honestly say that I think I've grown more in the past five months than I have during my two years of college combined. Why? Because I've truly been making independent decisions. I'm the one making my decisions solely for me, planning my time solely for me and loving solely me. I feel more me than ever. I get to focus on the things that make me, and only me, happy. I get to direct my future towards my own goals and I don't have to sacrifice and compromise my dreams and aspirations.

So yes, it is a few months of battling but the result is beautiful and oh so rewarding. No one ever said it was easy, but I'm telling you it's worth it. There are little steps along the way to remind you that you can handle it and that really you're doing okay. For me, it was throwing a gifted bracelet off a boat in Paris that was truly liberating. Maybe for you it's burning old photos or simply dying your hair a crazy color but closure is all about you and your progress and ultimately, your acceptance. The hard part is that you can only get there by yourself. But you know what? It feels pretty great to be able to text him back and tell him that.

What do you think about closure? Have you ever dealt with this after a breakup?

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